| HEY, LARRY OLIVER! SING 'MALAGUENA'! |
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Oy. A Sunday I kind of set aside for Stuff I've Been Meaning To Get Around To... Pay bills! Work on packing! Shared "what are you reading?" sidebar! Patch up that Java game engine! Catch up on correspondence!
Where to begin? Why, reading TV Tropes of course. Yesterday was Miller's annual-ish Grunt Hunt puzzle event at the Cambridgeside Galleria. My team came in third out of six or seven, not bad considering 3 of us were newbies and the fourth was me -- I don't have a terrific mind for puzzles. Defacement of the Moment
Anecdote of the Moment Sir Laurence Olivier is on tour reading the sonnets of Shakespeare. The house is hushed. He begins: "Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments--" A guy stands up in the back row of the last balcony and hollers, "HEY, LARRY OLIVER! SING 'MALAGUENA'!" Unaccustomed as he is to being heckled, let alone heckled nonsensically, Sir Laurence stops. Waits a moment. Begins again: "Let me not to the marriage of true minds--" "HEY, LARRY OLIVER!" cries the guy in the back. It is clear he is drunk. "SING 'MALAGUENA'!" It's not as though Olivier has any need, generally, to have a squelch prepared. Rather than dignify this guy with a response, he pauses again, pointedly, and then, again, begins: "Let me not to the marriage--" "HEY!" the guy screams, "LARRY OLIVER! SING 'MALAGUENA'!" Olivier can no longer rise above this. "Sir," he says, and the richness of his voice is to the coarseness of the heckler's as Armagnac is to Mountain Dew, "in the first place, my name..." He hates to have to say this. "...is not 'Oliver,' it is Olivier. In the second place, and more important, I am not here to sing. I am here to read certain sonnets by William Shakespeare. "And in the third place..." Somehow he can't forbear to make this point as well. "...'Malaguena' is an instrumental. I couldn't sing it if I wanted to. So, if you don't mind, 'Let me not--'" And the guys stands up and hollers, "WELL, SHOW US YOUR DICK THEN!" --as related by Roy Blount, Jr. in "Be Sweet" | |||
| pap, smeared. |
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Wow, twice in a row now Pap has let the Red Sox down in the 9th. (Though the Sox are keeping up their proud tradition of leaving legends of men on base.) Maybe I'm jinxing him by tuning on the radio in the eighth as I get ready to turn in!
Apologies for the crudeness of today's title. You know, it's funny how every once in a while I still think "Wow, I can't believe the Pats won every game and then lost the Super Bowl." (Makes me think of that "BeliCHOKE!" headline idea I had, along with a thousand other football fans.) So ummm... Go Celtics! Photos of the Moment I'm not sure if this photo catches it, but the Boston sky was so thick and heavy a few weeks ago... ![]() I think I've written about this before, but I love the optical illusion of the building next to where I work, how they've cranked up the railing to super human proportions, presumably for the visual effect of it from ground level. So there's a guy here poking around the AC unit, and I think it's funny how small he looks... ![]() The other week JZ was "helping" me pack by playing with legos (I kid, he was a big help) ![]() Here's his creation, mostly a kitbash of some pre-designed sets I had barely dismantled. I christened it "Captain Cooly McAwesome of the Starship HELL YEAH". ![]() JZ also went with me as the New England Classic Gamers finally got around to having another trademeet, and I got an old Game & Watch game "Bomb Sweeper" (a puzzle game, no relation to Mine Sweeper... here's an excellent Java model of it) I had to buy batteries (at like twice the cost of the game) and my picture to remind me of what battery to buy came out artsier than I expected: ![]() Finally, at Ken Schwaber's ScrumMaster training, he brought out this particular cartoon of the story of the Chicken and the Pig. ("Hey Pig, I was thinking we should open a restaurant" "I don't know. What would we call it?" "How about 'Ham and Eggs'?" "No thanks. I'd be committed, but you'd only be involved!") Its meant to be a metaphor for software development, that the developers are the ones with their bacon on the line, and they get to point this out to the "chickens" of the rest of the company. I've never liked this joke. For one things, jokes are best when they're funny. Secondly, it doesn't seem like that great of a metaphor. I expressed some of my unease with the cartoon by rewriting and redrawing the third panel: ![]() | |
| burma shorn |
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So, wrapped up in my own little world at work, and going down memory lane with Sportsman's Guide, I feel remiss for not thinking about the tragedy of Burma more than I have been. The toll there is orders of magnitude worse than say, Katrina, and make my personal problems seem like quantum noise in comparison.
In other news. It's tough not to be charmed by tales of Dale Davis,
the 115lb, 78 year old blind bowler who
just rolled a perfect game of bowling (more details and photos here, at a local paper that clearly has no idea about permalinks.) I guess bowling can be all about muscle memory! The details in that second link are lovely.
Quote of the Moment "You're leaving college now, and going out into real life. And you have to realize that real life is not like college. Real life is like high school." --Meryl Streep to a graduating class at Vassar | |
| kirk's corn-fed bedfellows, or: libel theater, part 3 |
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Continued from yesterday and
Monday...
So, like I mentioned, The Sportsman's Guide is written in an annoying "best beer buddy" style. Sometimes it's just ordinary retail, but something about this disclaimer at the end of their about page rubs me the wrong way.
I do my best to make sure the correct photo, price and copy are shown. But...sometimes I make a mistake. In the event of any such mistake, I reserve the right to charge the correct price, to ship the correct item, or to correct the mistake. However, you will be notified at the time you order and...I beg your pardon.I find the first person voice really annoying in that last sentence because of how it relies on some kind of assumptive sense of chivalry...companies shouldn't be looking for that kind of first person politeness! Oh, who knows. Maybe I'm just the wrong demographic, that this guy is to people who voted for George Bush what "J. Peterman" is for my latte-swilling crowd. And while their site is still kind of junky, its JPGs oddly compressed and its layout forever stuck in the mid-90s, it looks to have some decent prices. (though I've seen some PDAs etc in "electronics" that are complete ripoffs...) And in looking on Youtube for any mention of Sportsman's Guide, I was surprised to see a fairly forward looking strategy, a whole youtube channel of spots, like this spot for a magic kit: It's cute, not too polished but maybe that helps reach out to their audience... and they are a cost conscious company. So anyway, that's Sportsman's Guide. Hell, I'm half tempted to buy some hiking poles. Toy of the Moment Roadkill Stuffed Animals. Flattened viscera was never so cute! | |
| kirk's corn-fed bedfellows, or: libel theater, part 2 |
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Continued from yesterday...
So in October of 1999 I got to travel to St. Paul, Minnesota to explain the weird inbred computer language we had recoded The Sportsman's Guide website in. I'm surprised that my journal indicates it was October, because my strongest memory is how cold it was...bitingly ice cold, but I was grateful for that, because The Sportsman's Guide offices are right across the street from this:
These are stockyards. These are where the cows we eat go to die, and I imagine the smell must be awful in summer. But you know, fine, it's alright, it's not like I'm a vegetarian. But still, this truck...
This truck seemed to be permanently stationed there... in fact I think I see it in this Google maps view. The truck is at the end of a raised conveyor belt. All day long former bits of cows go drip, drop, plop into the truck. So I got the tour of the Sportman's facility. They had just put in a new automated conveyor/scanning system, and my main host (I forget his name, some manager) had come up with the design and implementation and was rightfully proud of it. (Their warehouse with the system still features prominently in their advertising, more on that tomorrow.) I was duly impressed, especially knowing the challenges people on the hardware side of things must face. But that wasn't my last bit of culture shock. To be fair, I was kind of sheltered, the kid of clergy who had gone to a fancy-ish school in the Northeast and then was on his second white-collar job. Still, the amount of lockdown for the restrooms, along with posted warnings that anyone found writing graffiti there would be fired, was jarring, a reminder of a blue collar way of life I didn't know much about. (This was for the warehouse workers; the big banks of cubbies for the folks handling the calls was its own special kind of sould-draining-ness.) I was also surprised, just based on geography and I guess climate, at how many Latino workers were there, I thought that was something you'd mostly see on the coasts. The folks whom I was there to train were pretty good guys. It was a bit depressing, just because you could see in their eyes how you didn't have a lot of options when you wanted to do high-tech stuff in that part of the country, but they seemed to be getting by. (This was somewhere in the middle of the dot-com thing, and even though I wasn't (yet) at one of those Aeron chairs kind of places, I could tell I had been relatively spoiled.) The biggest shock was yet to come: a trip to Sportsman's Guide executive country! Shock #1: the paneling. Again, maybe it was the contrast with Boston corporate land, but seeing all the high muckity-mucks hanging out in what looked like the finished half of your parents' basement was odd. Shock #2: the President of the company (Gary Olen) was out that day but his office... I think I saw more bear pelts and deer heads in that room than I have since. (At least it hid the paneling.) Shock #3: the VP who was in, a woman who I guess was head of technology, had a pyramid of cigarette butts on her desk that would have made a crowd of tiny, tiny Egyptian slaves proud. So, I've already mentioned the "best beer buddy" prose all the catalogs are written in, but the fact is there's something to it, I guess they do a fair amount of product testing there, and I got the impression that hunting trips were kind of a bonding thing for the upper echelons, and to be "one of the boys" this VP had to make a trip. Hence, the deer head on her office wall: "Yeah, that was the one time I went hunting. But it was a good kill, no kill regret all..." Yikes! Ok, fine, I eat meat, hunting is a different culture that I can respect, etc etc but... shouldn't, like, the concern about HAVING kill regret act as your little Jimminy Cricket telling you that this is something you shouldn't be doing? The trip was OK despite the cold. (And I still have a photo of the local bar advertising the weekly "Meat Raffle" - again, there's my over-privileged snarky self being inappropriately amused.) I stayed at a hotel that was a refurbished mini-castle, and got to visit the famous Mall of America and ride a roller coaster inside. I went to Planet Hollywood there (not having enough guts to bring back a business receipt for "Hooters") and passed up the opportunity to buy a Robert Smith jersey (who had been the football star of my high school, but always in Randy Moss' shadow when he played with the Vikings.) Tomorrow: "no snark regret at all"? | |
| kirk's corn-fed bedfellows, or: libel theater, part 1 |
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So, the other week I read about one horrified web designer's interview with the people at X10.com, those fine folks who really helped cement hatred of the "popunder" ad part of web culture. ("Well yeah... but honestly they made a shitload of money" said one of the interviewers there.)
Two quotes from the interviewers stood out for me... You've probably seen our website, and as you can see, it looks pretty shitty. That's pretty much how it's going to stay.and then on their target audience: Men from around age 30-40 with a little extra money who like buying gadgets and aren't too concerned if it doesn't work too well.because when I put those two concepts together in the context of my professional history, one name rung out: The Sportsman's Guide. I'd like to write about it in excruciating detail now, over the course of a few days, so I need never mention it again. The year was 1999. (At the risk of getting ahead of myself in the story, my proposed slogan for their ammo catalog then was Ammo @ Sportsman's Guide: "Let's shoot our way through Y2K"(tm)) I was working for "Banta Integrated Media"... <geek>Oy, what a company! Back when they were "New Frontiers Information Corp" they were pioneers in dynamic websites, claiming to have invented the Virtual Server patch for sun machines that let one machine act as the webserver for various domains. In fact they were such early innovators they had their own templating language that they clung to even after industry standards emerged, until they decided to switch - to a new in-house language based on Reverse Polish Notation. Not being a big fan of HP calculators I plotted my exit.</geek> "Banta IM" had been bought by the big (now defunct, huh!) midwestern printing company Banta. That gave my company some strange, corn-fed bedfellows, companies that I assume did their printing through Banta and were looking to have their web presence. The Sportsman's Guide is, as far as I can tell, pretty much a "midwest" thing. Part of the issue was that they already had a web presence; a straight-forward retelling of their print catalogs in Microsoft code. The first task was to port their existing website to our own technology. They really didn't want to make it look any better, and they stuck to their guns that their website should just be a big mirror of their multiple catalogs. The first part of that made life little fun for me, who had to do the port. I learned a valuable lesson though; when they turned the firehose from their hammered Windows NT boxes to our inhouse solution, our server went down, hard. The volume was relatively enormous, and we had a major failure of due diligence in testing how our stuff scaled. <geek>The emergency fix for that was kind of cool, something to talk about on future interviews: we discovered the problem was with the DB queries, and realized that that each catalog page had a distinct URL that we could use as the basis of a rough-and-ready homebrew cache.</geek> The second part made life no fun for our design group (who had ambition; they wanted to kind of segment themselves off as "216design.com", some play on the Netscape color safe palette) Every month 2 or 3 catalogs would come out that they had to make into webpages, grabbing the artwork, fixing up the text markup, and correlating the item numbers.
TOMORROW: Kirk Visits the Frozen Wasteland | |
| scrumtastic! |
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Busy day learning to be a ScrumMaster(tm). It's not as gross or porn-y as that might sound.
Video of the Moment --Ruby and Lesley Rankine singing for Mountain Dew in the late 90s. One of the joys of youtube is unearthing some bit of pop-culture ephemera you thought was gone forever -- I remember asking about this video on Usenet, trying to get the group and/or singer, I really dig this ad - a bit too much w/ the 90s Awesome Radicalness but some really neat shots, like the reflection in the climber's goggles... Reminds me a bit of the Sega Scream that used to end all their spots. | |
| quote of the moment |
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"Pressed, I would define spirituality as the shadow of light humanity casts as it moves through the darkness of everything that can be explained. I think of Buddha's smile and Einstein's halo of hair. I think of birthday parties. I think of common politeness, and the breathtaking attempt to imagine what someone else is feeling. I think of spirit lamps."
--John Updike
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| i and i |
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Keeping up the ASCII art theme, I've recently started going back to some of that in my .sigs on some message boards. .Sigs I have used:
the self-portrait: (mid-90s usenet) _____ -O\O ( = ) the pac-man: (atariage) (< o o o the alien bill: (TGQ) =/ \(<D)_/ ==/\/ >_ I don't know if the color counts as cheating. Vocabulary of the Moment A character in GTA4 made me wiki up the vocabulary of the Rastas. It's intriguing how so much of the special vocabulary was deliberately made, a purposeful break from the past that shuns words that even sound like negative things. Sometimes it's a little corny ("Overstanding" or "Innerstanding" to dodge the "under" of "understanding", "livicaton" to avoid the "dead" of "dedication") but often it's kind of cool. I dig "I and I", which (I think) can mean "you and I" as well as "Me, spirit and body" (and overall they use "I" rather than "Me", because of the subject/object preference.) It might be easy to over-romanticize the outlook. If memory of my parent's descriptions are right, when we were living on St. Thomas we got the feeling that not all of them shared the move-beyond-racism outlook of some of them, and there was a lot of expressed distrust and dislike. Quote of the Moment "Then there was this girl, Ava Cleveland, and her brother Larry. Larry had It something terrible, and also had a little way of taking opium. (Oh, please wait a minute. I think I'm going to be able to use "opium" in a sentence. I opium mother is feeling better. No, I guess I'm not, either.) Ava was young and slender and proud. And she had It. It, hell; she had Those." --Dorothy Parker | |
| your own robot army |
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--derived from zomghott.com's ASCIIBotics Labs' Quantum Mini-Robot-Factory. The rightful winner of BoingBoing Gadget and Seagate's 1K Competition - the code I'm Creative Commonsing here can do it's work in under 1K, which is lovely and amazing. | |
| it's robots all the way down |
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So, new solution for the new KHftCEA -- Twitter! While in theory Twitter is more this way of telling people who care where you are and what you're doing, it can also be a handy repository for the attention starved to post their bon mots, as Lore Sjoberg has done. (The goal is to avoid the scenario of
this Penny Arcade -- and for me the world of ideas is so much more compelling than the world of mundane activities...)
So for now the KHftCEA will be twitter-based. (I shoved in KHftCEA thoughts from the past week in a big batch to see how it felt.) So now I can post little 140-character gems from the web or a cellphone! We'll see how it goes, how personal I'm willing to get in that kind of forum, and how it will support or interfere with how I post here. Quote of the Moment "Si, abbiamo un anima. Ma e fatta di tanti piccoli robot." [Yes, we have a soul, but it's made of many tiny robots.] --Italian philosopher Giulio Giorello, a favorite of Daniel Dennett whose "Freedom Evolves" I'm reading now Birthday of the Moment Happy Birthday BASIC! (Cool link from the slashdot comments: first BASIC manual. As the commentator pointed out, "their original 'hello world' program does linear algebra (page '9')") <geek type="computer" mode="retro">BASIC wasn't a bad introduction. For people growing up in the 80s, though, it made us think line numbers were more important than they really are... full-screen editors made them obsolete, really, otherwise they're just a convenient way of entering and re-entering lines in a certain order. (See listings in magazines for Amgia's linenumberless BASIC was an eye-opener!) In retrospect, the lack of local variables was the real killer. See Batari BASIC, the BASIC that compiles into stuff you can run on an Atari 2600, made me realize how close to ASM that stuff was! Even when he ditched line numbers, the fairly stackless BASIC is a lot closer to Assembler than "low" level languages such as C.</geek> Milestone of the Moment Wanna hear something crazy? It has been five years since peace broke out in Iraq! Half a decade of the "End of Major Combat" in Iraq. | |
| on the cuss bus |
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Last night I mentioned that there was a time I didn't cuss, and EBSO went REALLY? and I thought that that was a little sad. (I'm sure it bums out my mom as well. The one time I heard her drop the S-bomb (I think we had somehow locked ourselves out) it was a major jaw-dropper.)
With my Sunday School upbringing I really didn't swear until seventh or eight grade. And I remember going back to upstate NY from Cleveland, and Dylan saying that my new found swearing didn't sound right or was a bit forced, as if I hadn't quite developed the knack. In theory I like the idea of holding off on swearing 'til I really need it, but then I would want to make exceptions for a bunch of humor that relies on it. (It's kind of like how every once in a while I get the idea it would be cool if I became something more like a "Silent Bob" type, where when I finally do say something it has great import, but that's so not my real style .) There's an idea that swearing is a different "kind" of language, that it involves a different part of the brain than regular speech. It kind of amazes how, if that's true, there's something about swearing that transcends particularities of culture and language. Does a Ned Flanders saying "dang it!" instead of something worse mean his brain is structured differently? Like is it the same phenomenon with a different vocabulary, or is the raw energy of the need to exclaim more tempered in the more civilized person? Video of the Moment --Legends of the Superheros, via I Against Comics -- wow. Just -- so bad. So campy it goes so far down into bad it swings around to good. And then right back to bad. (The last minute with Adam West reprising his Bat Man role is not too bad.) PLUS -- now we know where that Six Flags guy came from! | |
| grand theft blotto |
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Woo, the release of Grand Theft Auto IV kind of snuck up on me!
But I asked for it as a delayed birthday present from EB and he claims my copy is already secured and waiting for me...
Word is this version lives up to the hype, continuing the tradition of a rich story (actually, richer in this version, with its story of a Russian immigrant trying to make it in the big city) on a world big and complex enough to just enjoy running around in and causing havoc with weapons and cars. Insanity of the Moment Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded. --from the Shrine of the Mall Ninja, a very odd tale of a loon who claims to be heavily armed and working to protect a mall near you. Captcha of the Moment Now un-slashdotted, a new style of Captcha, those little interaction bits (like type in the squiggly word you see here) that try and help people prove that they aren't dumb spambots. The visual cognitive approach is kind of neat, though I'm surprised the "geometric center" would be such a challenge for an AI. | |